What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
In this blog, I'm breaking down my favorite therapy modality - Internal Family Systems, or IFS. I discuss the main ideas of the model and share a bit about how it works.
About IFS Therapy
Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a theory developed by Richard Schwartz. IFS theorizes that our mind contains multiplicity. We don’t simply have one mind with a lot of different thoughts. Rather, we all have many parts of ourselves. For example, there might be one part of you that wants to read this blog right now. Another part of you wants to take a nap. Meanwhile a different part of you is wondering if you should be checking your email. We experience parts via thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, images, and/or energy around the body.
Sometimes parts align. For example, say that part of you wants to earn an income and part of you likes to sell real estate. If you find a job as a real estate agent, your parts align. You take action and things feel good.
Often this is not the case. For example, let’s say part of you wants to set boundaries and develop healthy relationships. But another part of you feels guilty for saying no to people. The guilt blocks your ability to set boundaries. The consequence is anxiety, resentment, exhaustion, or sometimes the end of the relationship.
IFS offers a roadmap to healing and relief. In IFS therapy, you get to know the part of you that feels guilty. You learn about it’s intentions and why the guilt shows up when you assert yourself. Parts typically have great reasons for doing what they do. Maybe your guilt is there because you’ve lost relationships in the past after asserting yourself. Or maybe you learned that women have to do it all, and you’re not a good mom if you say no to your kids. Guilt is often trying to protect you from getting hurt.
Once parts are seen and acknowledged for their hard work, they are usually willing to take on other roles that are more helpful. For example, a guilty part can become a wonderful inner mentor or coach. Parts that used to feel hopeless can cheer us on if we can relieve them of the burdens they carry.
How many parts do I have?
When you start to connect with parts, it can seem like there are an overwhelming amount to get to know. Fortunately, you don’t need to know all of them. Healing one part or a few parts can have a big ripple effect. There are three main categories of parts that you work with in IFS. They are firefighters, managers, and exiles.
Firefighters are reactive parts. They respond immediately when something triggers you. They don’t tend to care about the impacts of their actions. Think of a real life firefighter for a moment. If a house is burning and there are people to save, a firefighter is not going to pause to consider how he can save the furniture. He's going to douse the whole house and do what he can to get people out. That’s how firefighter parts work. When a vulnerable part is triggered, they shut down your system. Firefighter behavior can look like binge eating, binge drinking, substance use, gambling, and many others.
Managers want control. They think 10 steps ahead for you to keep you from looking silly at work. Managers want to be sure the environment is safe. They want you to be a good, hardworking employee. They worry and get you to check your email even when you're on vacation. Managers are often socially acceptable and praised for their behavior. Common manager parts are critical, anxious, perfectionists, avoiders, and achievers.
Exiles are the parts that firefighters and managers protect. Exiles are often young parts that have experienced trauma, neglect, or relational distress. They may have experienced criticism, rejection, and shame. They did not receive the care and attention they needed at the time.
How can I heal my parts?
Parts feel safe to step back from their extreme roles when they connect to Self energy. Self energy is calm, curious, creative, courageous, compassionate, clear, connected, and confident. It’s a general feeling of expansiveness and openness. Self energy is present and aware. Once firefighters and managers begin to trust Self energy, exiles can be healed. Protective parts, i.e. managers and firefighters, are then free to take on less extreme roles.
In the guilt and boundaries example above, the guilt could be connected to a 5 year old part that had to emotionally support a parent. That exiled 5 year old shows up as overwhelming guilt in your system any time you try to set boundaries. Even though you're not 5 anymore, you feel like you are. When the guilt comes up, you lose access to adult you that has more information and perspective. Healing exiles give you more access to Self energy. Imagine having access to courage and compassion when you need to set boundaries. Sounds good, right?
I hope this was a helpful breakdown of IFS. For more information on IFS, check out the IFS Institute. I offer IFS therapy to adults in Seattle and throughout Washington state. If this seems like the type of work you're ready for, set up a free consultation.